Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category


December 16, 2018

The unpredictability of how my moods swing without any apparent reason gets to be exhausting – yet these changes are something I have come to expect & rely on? In fact actually look forward to!

Sad even but true!

Sometimes even talking about Tolerance – Diversity – Trust – Fear – Capacity – Capability and Trauma becomes exhausting and seems futile, even though I believe in what I say & that it must be said in the face of diversity of views, actions, talk & faithlessness that I confront regularly.

When will the futility of it in peoples mind be replaced by an understanding of its importance? How many empty slogans, condolences, remembrances, vigils, prayers are needed before the hurt & pain is felt by those who make promises of change knowing nothing will change?

The irony of an iron will to fight the demonic curse of the hydra headed snake of terrorism is not lost on us.

When will the others accept? Not before the earth accepts one of theirs, a fate we want not for them!



Lahore – 17/12/18 1:00 am


3287 days

October 5, 2018

05/10/‘18 – 12:16 PM – 3287 days

A feeling of alexithymia sets in.

Thoughts of the past few days come together in finding expression. (Ty to friend Gill Hicks for the prompt).

Humbled to have friends who have stood with me and shared. Only Allah can recompense you for being there.

And to one above all – my ‘rock of Gibraltar’ 💖


One is constantly at war against ones limitations & inability to think positively despite ones desire to try & find ways to protect against disillusionment with ones surroundings!

Although I generally have not wished anyone undergo what I did – that was a very harsh experience; yet it is important to share my feelings about it so my connection with other human beings remains intact.

What people like me – Survivors of Terrorism – become is lonely & reclusive, incredibly lonely.

Doing this work & at the same time living with many profound often disturbing insights into humanity are taxing.

Contrary to what people would have me believe, my anger has grown over time, and it makes me wonder if this decision I made to channel these sentiments into something that motivates rather than “eats away” at my feelings was right?

The hard often thankless work with people of different disciplines, survivors, former extremists, religious and minority groups, to create a sentiment to work for stopping the devastating cycle of terrorist attacks by creating awareness of the ‘human cost of terrorism.’

Terrorists while creating chaos also dehumanise survivors; the suicide bomber who made me a survivor on 10/05/09, didn’t know me, the programming that led him to make the decision to push the button on his suicide jacket was because he perceived me as “the other” whose worldview differed with his – the bomber!

The frustrating part of surviving a suicide bombing is that the bomber is also dead.

That person & the choice he made are gone, so is Gul Rukh Tahir.

The world goes about its circling of the Sun 365/7, 10/05/09 has not changed anything for anyone, except for me.

I am still here, i still hurt, I still feel, I still stay awake, I still cannot forget!

I am a survivor!





Sat 29 sept 2018 – Oct 05, 2018 (9 years)

Fascinating Folktales found

September 22, 2018

Sometimes a newspaper article leads to a great find!

Mayo School of Arts, Lahore

September 22, 2018

A great institution Pakistanised like every thing else 😕

Now known as NCA!


August 30, 2018

There always will be

A candle kept lit

In a niche in every corner

Of every heart

To keep alive a hope

Of a long dead desire

Springing eternal

Like a mountain stream

The start of which

Knows not where the flow

Will peter out to a drop

Lost in eons of dried soil

For it is said

There is an unknown unseen

Hand plying the strings

Of the puppet

Called me!




15.07.18 – 8:24 pm


Politics, games, ploys

August 30, 2018

And during all the time your party was partying in the corridors of power, did you think of this & table your proposal?

Or is it all politics – a ploy to play a game of neither play nor let play?

Dance oblivious to all

August 30, 2018


August 30, 2018

that look of concern

or mocking perhaps

in the thought that it all

was a made up farce

a story or nothing at all

just an attempt at

seeking attention


slowly the smouldering depths of eyes

that did not

reflect the smile

on the lips

awakening to a new



that the drama played

may not be a farce

no masks no direction

just a flow

going where the flow went


and in that brief instant

he caught the curtain shift

to glimpse a fire

deeper than the

earth under her feet

and then


tottering on the corner

of the eye

a tear

enough to wet the

eons of dried earth






22.07.2017 —- 00:09 hours


Public service

July 1, 2018

Going barefoot

July 1, 2018