Archive for October, 2018

3287 days

October 5, 2018

05/10/‘18 – 12:16 PM – 3287 days

A feeling of alexithymia sets in.

Thoughts of the past few days come together in finding expression. (Ty to friend Gill Hicks for the prompt).

Humbled to have friends who have stood with me and shared. Only Allah can recompense you for being there.

And to one above all – my ‘rock of Gibraltar’ 💖


One is constantly at war against ones limitations & inability to think positively despite ones desire to try & find ways to protect against disillusionment with ones surroundings!

Although I generally have not wished anyone undergo what I did – that was a very harsh experience; yet it is important to share my feelings about it so my connection with other human beings remains intact.

What people like me – Survivors of Terrorism – become is lonely & reclusive, incredibly lonely.

Doing this work & at the same time living with many profound often disturbing insights into humanity are taxing.

Contrary to what people would have me believe, my anger has grown over time, and it makes me wonder if this decision I made to channel these sentiments into something that motivates rather than “eats away” at my feelings was right?

The hard often thankless work with people of different disciplines, survivors, former extremists, religious and minority groups, to create a sentiment to work for stopping the devastating cycle of terrorist attacks by creating awareness of the ‘human cost of terrorism.’

Terrorists while creating chaos also dehumanise survivors; the suicide bomber who made me a survivor on 10/05/09, didn’t know me, the programming that led him to make the decision to push the button on his suicide jacket was because he perceived me as “the other” whose worldview differed with his – the bomber!

The frustrating part of surviving a suicide bombing is that the bomber is also dead.

That person & the choice he made are gone, so is Gul Rukh Tahir.

The world goes about its circling of the Sun 365/7, 10/05/09 has not changed anything for anyone, except for me.

I am still here, i still hurt, I still feel, I still stay awake, I still cannot forget!

I am a survivor!





Sat 29 sept 2018 – Oct 05, 2018 (9 years)