happy birthday to me !

by

it’s close to midnight on nov 16, and as the clock ticks over the hour, it will be the 17th.

happy birthday to me.

i will be looking at the hands tick across the numeral 12, because she will not put her hands over my eyes for the last two minutes and remove then just as the hands tick past the 12.

she gave me two early birthday gifts.

* a usb driven internet connection, for she wanted me to be on line even in the car, and when i was somewhere where i did not have my desk top, i could use it with my laptop.

* the book jinnah, by jaswant singh – which she wanted to get for me through the wfp office in delhi, before it reached pakistan, but i stopped her, and she then got one of the first few copies that landed in islamabad, and inscribed it, “for my bookworm hubby tahir wadood malik, gul rukh tahir, 02-09-09.” this was the only time she wrote my full name on anything.

did she know … breaks my heart to think of it every time.

how could i not know, i break my head against allah’s will with this question every day so many times.

life goes on – so they say, even as it apparently stands still, life goes on!

so be it!

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2 Responses to “happy birthday to me !”

  1. Nadia Alami Says:

    Happy birthday Tahir. May Allah fill your coming days with faith and love by all the people surrounding you. We are all with you, feeling your pain, specially for me.

    Early morning of 17.11.2005, i received a phone call informing me that my mother, who was in a comma for 4 days, passed away. She died when I could not be beside her. I was in shock and pain of loosing my father 1 week befor, and I can never forget the look in my mother’s eyes before she went in comma. she could not speak, move, or do anything, just moving her eyes searhing for answers. I could not tell her that her husband is no longer with us, and I still do not know if she ever knew that he passed away or not..

    I know that this year you will feel lonely in your birthday as I feel so lonely in this day, and the past 4 years, and will always feel lonely till the day I die..

    Just wanted to let you know that someone else in this world is feeling your pain.. God help us to move on..

  2. Liane Dorsey Says:

    Tahir-
    Though your heart aches, may you find joy in memories of her love.
    Happy Birthday.
    -Liane

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