A life with PTSD
Over the last couple of weeks, a number of events and conversations have inspired me to share the secrets of my PTSD. It’s something which I usually keep extremely private. Usually, the disclosure of my PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) is limited to the explanation of ‘I don’t really do public transport’. Any further detail is spared, to protect both myself and the people around me.
To the peg of life
To a state
That what is wished
Leaving no place
To be had
Thoughts to bloom
Just a void
Where wants should be
Desires acceded to
But the schemer
Which defy thought
Leaving another void
In which we
But the schemer
Turns another leave
Of his book of schemes
March 16, 2013
I am not me
But the voices inside
Which haunt me
Waiting for their turn
To be heard
Over the din infinite
Silent, yet eloquent.
And I drown their voices
In unnecessary chatter
Not wanting to hear
That what they will say
For they may have
Something that may
Break in an exact extent
The serene circle
That I have
So painstakingly made
Around me to keep
Away, precisely such voices
From telling me
And making me brood,
Am I wrong?
March 10, 2013
a deep troubled slumber full of
tossing and turning in the night
dreams disjointed and flitting
unconnected and rushing
unremembered shadows of darkness
peeking from behind unknown slats
chasing each other till it was dawn.
and the cacophony to challenge
the faithful to a lot better than sleep
erupted from loudspeakers all round
vying to drown the call of the other
intruding blissfully on the state
in which the night had passed
finally spent and tired of the fitfulness
i turned in bed and slept,
17-Dec-12 6:45 PM
13/12/12 thursday – a very well spent day
participated in the women’s national assembly, jointly organized by insan foundation trust (http://www.insanfoundationtrust.org/object.htm), aurat foundation (http://www.af.org.pk/index.htm), and UN women.
the first session included talks by women survivors from all five provinces of Pakistan, and AJK, the narrations moved the audience to tears on more than one occasion. security concerns led to some of the narratives being made by the women from behind a wall, further highlighting the of threat scenario to some of the religious sects and minority populations in Pakistan.
in the second session, women parliamentarians from all provinces talked about their experiences, hopes, and aspirations about the future of women in Pakistan,
the third session was for the launch of the CEDAW shadow report on Pakistan.
over all the day was very well spent and a learning experience.
I met Ms. Uzma Yasmeen a student of the National Defense University, Islamabad at the public talk on the subject of “Security architecture for South Asia” by Mr. Farooq Sobhan, Former Foreign Secretary, People’s Republic of Bangladesh organized at the Institute of Strategic Studies (ISSI) distinguished lecture series on November 1, 2012.
In the last one month Ms. Yasmeen has become active in promoting PakTSN and she arranged my meeting with other students on December 06, 2012.
It was a wonderful interactive session, which lasted for longer than I had anticipated, but it was worth each minute of it. At the peak there were 6 students (some students were detained by the faculty for other work) round the table while few sitting close by had their ears on our discussion. We talked of terrorism, reason for my becoming an anti-terrorism activist; why I speak for survivors; about PTSD; steps that can be taken to create awareness about the ‘human cost of terrorism; rational for reaching out to youth; role of youth; how we can pool our resources to reach out to other educational institutions in Islamabad / Rawalpindi, and surrounding areas; and generally about issues facing Pakistan.
I cannot appreciate enough the interest and desire of Ms. Uzma Yasmeen to work with us on this important aspect of human interactions post passing away of a loved one in an act of terrorism. May Allah help and guide us in this endeavor. Aamin
I look forward to the participants’ inputs on broadening this undertaking of creating awareness of the human cost of terrorism particularly among the youth of Pakistan, and to our meeting with more people in the future.
today December 04, 2012 is the third anniversary of 2009 friday prayers attack on the mosque in rawalpindi, next to islamabad, pakistan.
a group of extremists attacked the worshipers with grenades, rifles and suicide bombers.
we had a follow up on 29 Nov, to the 04 Oct, interaction with students at SIL.
well attended, and great interaction session, the students came prepared with the questions i had sent, and their search was in the right direction.
the questions answer session was intense and informative, and i found this group of youth to be fully aware of the ill’s of extremism, and active in “Saying No to Terrorism”